a recap of 2019.

Some of my favourite photos from my 2019 camera roll

Hello Internet,

After 12 months of no activity, I am back with the tradition of the yearly recap on New Year's Eve. If you are wondering why I have not posted anything this year - I haven't felt like it. But I felt like I couldn't welcome in 2020 without my little rambling on the year that has gone by, so here we are 😀.

The time for champagne and gratuitous amounts of fireworks has come around again. It’s that weird moment in the calendar year where we’re simultaneously processing another year on planet Earth whilst also preparing for the start of another year full of hope and opportunities. So, in order to usher in a new year and a new decade, I thought it would be cathartic to acknowledge how 2019 has panned out for me.

Long story short, it was really freaking long. I’ve done what I do every year; I went to the movies way too much, read some books I liked, continued talking to a professional about my anxiety, didn’t pay enough attention to my creative hobbies and listened to musical soundtracks more than Top 40 radio. But for some reason this year has felt extra weird because of three major things: my semi-serious knee injury, writing my honours thesis and deciding to change my attitude to life. Dealing with all that simultaneously has been exhausting for me, and in 2020 I am looking forward to chilling the hell out.

Let’s get the body talk out of the way first. In mid May, I tore my ACL playing netball for my university team. Me, an unfit blob who does exercise very sporadically, managed to injure myself so seriously I needed surgery. When my doctor finally told me what the heck was wrong with my knee, I felt so freaking unlucky, and more significantly I was very, very afraid. Before this year, I had never even broken a bone and the last time I went to hospital was to get some teeth removed. A torn ACL required a partial knee reconstruction where the very skilled surgeon takes a part of your hamstring and fashions a new ligament so your knee can work properly again. I didn’t tell anyone at the time, but I was terrified. Terrified my hamstring wouldn’t be strong enough, terrified my body would reject the anaesthetic afterwards. Basically, I was afraid that it wouldn’t heal properly and I couldn’t get back to normal. 7 months ago my ACL was torn and I couldn’t walk. In December, I spent 3 and a half weeks walking around Scandinavia and the Baltics in Europe experiencing the beauty of Finland, Sweden, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Denmark. Turns out, I didn’t need to be so afraid. Through patience, hard work and a lovely physiotherapist, I’m back to walking without pain in my knee. For me it was so hard, but I did it.

As if a physical injury wasn’t enough to handle emotionally, I was also in the process of writing my Honours thesis at university in 2019. They warn you before you start that an Honours year is intense, and I under-estimated that big time. 18 000 words that make sense and form a cohesive argument that experienced academics will understand is not easy, and I’m surprised I still have hair in my head from the stress. I chose a topic I could nerd out over and it did keep me interested all year, but please do not ask me anything about Riverdale anymore. That was my Honours case study and now I am 110% over it. Although there were moments where I wanted to phone it in or scream because I felt like I was drowning in words that made no sense, it all worked out OK and I will graduate with my Arts degree and a High Distinction for my Honours thesis and overall annual mark. For me it was so hard, but I did it.

The last thing is something I’ve been thinking about for the last couple of months. For much of 2019, I’ve kept thinking that I needed to drastically change the scaffolding of my life in order to keep me excited and motivated. But maybe introspection and small tweaks are going to be more beneficial for me. So, building on these current musings, my ‘New Year’s Resolution’ is to put myself first and work on re-orienting my boundaries so I can improve the relationships I have with the people currently in my life and new people that might pop in during 2020. It’s probably going to be hard, but I’m willing to put in the work.

So I guess the moral of 2019 for me is that whatever hard shit comes crashing into your life, you can overcome it with patience and a positive outlook. As cliché as that might sound, or how arbitrary the challenges I’ve encountered this year are compared to other social and global issues currently doing the rounds, the sentiment is something we all need to hear. We can make it through anything when we believe in ourselves. Hope for the future doesn't just exist in the promises we make to ourselves in resolutions on December 31st, but that doesn't mean that January 1st can't be the day we decide to make some changes.

On that note, stay safe party animals – I’m off to bed 😴

Happy New Year and all the best for 2020 🎊

Love and colourful fireworks 🎆🎇🎆,

Emily 💗