18 memories of 2018 - part 2

Hello there Internet,

It's currently December 31st where I am, and the final hours of 2018 are flying past. As I mentioned in my previous post, this will be my last post for the year. I've loved writing this 2 part list, and I feel like I've finished my online year quite well (if I do say so myself 😜😜😜).

Thank-you to anyone who has read any of my writing online this year, I really appreciate it 💜💚💙. I look forward to creating more stuff wherever and whenever in 2019 😀.

Now without further ado, here is part 2 of my 18 memories of 2018 🌟....

(This is a continuation of my previous post. If you want to catch-up and read points 18-10 before this one, you can click here). Now, as I was saying....

9. try new things.

If I’m being completely honest, I spent more than half of this year in some form of rut. Whether that was mental cloudiness or exhaustion from doing one too many things and not hearing my body’s call for serious rest, I feel like I’ve been slightly behind the 8-ball. After a shit tonne of moping and some interesting personal reflection, I decided I would try and turn that around. I’m not crazy, I know that I won’t wake up everyday roaring with energy and self-confidence. But I can control what happens in my life through trying new things, and at a pace I’m comfortable with. Doing something new or spontaneous or special or even scary can help to push me outside my comfort zone, and allow me to explore myself in a really beneficial way. Sure, some of these things will be things other people find easy, but for me they are things that I have to tackle on my own, and when I feel I’m ready. I really want to embrace this ‘try new things’ attitude more in 2019, because it definitely has been beneficial in the last six months of this year. I’ll let you know how this goes.

8. the 1 year anniversary of the creation of miss memphis.

Around March/April/May time, this happened. I had a lot going on around that time, so I wasn’t able to celebrate that in a timely fashion. But it was crazy to think that I had managed to stay engaged in creating something I was proud to have on the Internet for over a year. Including the last 2 posts, I have uploaded a total of 10 posts in 2018. Considering I decided to take a surprise 6 month break from writing anything personal, I’m quite happy with that. Part of the reason why I was so sporadic with my uploads on the blog this year is because I’ve been busy with university and other personal life things, but also because I’ve been weighing up my sense of purpose. I’ve been struggling with rhyme and reason, what everything means and why things have been playing out a certain way for me up to this point. Watching the year anniversary of me starting this adventure was so crazy because it seemed like an eternity ago that I decided to take the plunge and do this. Trust me when I say that the decision wasn’t an easy one. Having your most vulnerable, innermost thoughts there on a page or screen, manifested into the world by your mind, is bloody terrifying. But being comfortable with broadcasting my personal thoughts into an intense public viewing space is a goal I’m never going to stop working towards. I’ve done well this year, but there’s always room for improvement.

7. closing a university chapter.

2018 was the third, and final, year of the main section of my university degree. Even writing that down feels insane considering it feels like just yesterday I was walking into my very first lecture. Throughout all the ups and downs, all the assignments and the complaining about weekly readings that made little to no sense, I had a lot of fun. I was really careful in picking units that were really interesting to me, and it made me excited to travel 1-2 hours to uni every day. I know, I’m a crazy nerd ;P. Whether it was a Media and Communications, Journalism, Music, Archaeology or History unit, I learnt some amazing things and honed my skills in various areas. I’m super happy with my university experience so far, and I’m even more excited about the year to come that will finish the job. My honours year. It will probably make me loose my mind and hate writing, but I feel strangely ready to climb that hill. University has been an incredible chapter of my life, I would totally recommend it if you have the opportunity. Academics, social time, or anything in between – it’s certainly a fun time 😊.

6. a semi-definitive list of worst nightmares.

This year I fell in love with 2 particular books. I think they’re such great YA reads, and they offered some really interesting fictional discussions about issues that are so relevant in today’s society. The first was titled A Semi Definitive List of Worst Nightmares by Krystal Sutherland. A mouthful, but an intriguing title none the less. As someone who has spent the majority of her life with anxiety as a constant companion, I was excited to read a book that included a female protagonist with multiple phobias. Sutherland’s writing style meant she was able to avoid cliché melodrama in favour of a vividly raw and relatable dialogue that didn’t really sugarcoat anything. Books are excellent conversation starters, especially when it comes to topics that could be difficult to talk about unprompted. I loved the way protagonist Esther’s story and Sutherland’s words championed the idea of talking about mental health and facing your fears. Sutherland was spot on in her message that everyone has fears. Despite our individuality, our fears are something that bring us together and allow us to become more empathetic and supportive of each other. Esther’s family were also really complex and quirky, plus there were some other intriguing darker elements that only added to the enjoyable reading experience.

5. eliza and her monsters.

‘A Semi Definitive List of Worst Nightmares’ was my favourite book of 2018, and potentially of all time... until I finished this one. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia was a phenomenal read, and I loved the way it not only dealt with themes of grief and social anxiety, but modern digital themes like Internet friends and the crazy world of pop culture fandom. Eliza Mirk is a shy, unassuming high school student offline, but online she is the artist and creator behind the most popular web comic on the Internet. When her identity is accidentally revealed, Eliza has to learn how to survive and balance her offline vs. online life. Eliza was a tumultuous, but ultimately complex and genuine protagonist, and her Internet friends Emmy and Max were unique and beautifully written to highlight the strength of these relationships, despite the lack of face-to-face meeting time. Zappia shows off her accurate comprehension of the Internet/fandom world through her easy to understand writing style, and the interplay of sections from the comic and online message exchanges. Fandoms are often as endearing as they are suffocating, and I found it fascinating how Zappia was able to explore the fan/creator relationship from the often underrated perspective of a young creator. Aside from its complex themes, this book had a number of strong and intriguing relationships that were extensively developed over the course of the narrative. A powerful and thought-provoking read for parents and young people alike

4. ‘twas the season to be helpful.

Every year ends with Christmas. There’s no escaping that, especially since shops tend to start selling tinsel and baubles in October. It’s a full-on global sensation, and in amongst the laughs and happy family time, there also tends to be a lot of stress, headaches and anxiety. As I had not found myself employment over the festive season, I decided I would help to try and ease 1% of these headaches and signed up for 9 days’ worth of volunteer gift wrapping for charity. Although the shifts were often 4-6 hours at a time, it was a really fun and enjoyable experience. My fellow wrappers were lovely, and customers were gracious and appreciative. It actually felt great to get out amongst the people and contribute to society in a really meaningful way, as well as supporting some lovely charities. As an introvert, I was slightly nervous about all the human interaction but I was proud of myself for not being a grinch and a recluse during December. To anyone whose presents I wrapped – I hope their intended recipient liked your choice, and I hope everyone had lovely Christmases with lots of food, laughter, and time spent with loved ones.

3. therapy/psychologist conversations (1 year update).

So I think I briefly mentioned something about this in my previous end of year recap post, and I thought it would be beneficial to give somewhat of an update on where I’m at with this. On the surface, it could seem like I hadn’t made a lot of progress. I had a lot of anxiety related moments this year, both phobia and socially oriented. I didn’t really feel all that self-confident this year either, for one reason or another. But therapy and talking to a psychologist doesn’t need to field massively obvious results to be beneficial. Through having these professional chats, I feel like I’m more self-aware about some of the reasons why I feel what I feel. I’m more in tune with listening to how I feel and I think about the world. I have more tools to try and experiment with when I have an anxiety moment, or feel one coming on. The more I talk about my anxiety, the more I feel comfortable with it being a part of my everyday life. Sure, it might take years to see huge, visible changes. But right now, I feel confident in the way I’m working on it. I’m proud to say I’m making progress, even though it might seem like at a snail’s pace. That’s how these things work, and all we need is a bit of patience and self-love.

2. 365 days of journaling (or thereabouts...).

Around the 6^th January, I set myself a bit of a challenge. I wanted to see if I could ‘journal’ everyday from then to the end of the year. As I am writing this, I believe I’ve achieved that goal. When I was growing up, I found it really difficult to consistently ‘journal’. It seemed like a lot of work, and after 3 days I’d give up. But this year, I didn’t. It started out as little things like what time I woke up, and evolved into a rating for how I felt the day went, and eventually became a mini list of 3 things I did well or 3 good things that happened that day. It was a great way to take a few seconds to reflect on the day that had past, and even to set myself a to-do list for the next day. I also love the fact that now I have a hardcopy record of sorts of all the things I’ve done and felt happy about in 2018, something I can flick back through in the future to remember the places I’ve been and the person I was. It sure has been a rollercoaster, and I’ve got the journal to prove it 😛.

1. turning 20.

For some people, birthdays are seemingly meaningless indications that we are one year closer to our inevitable deaths. Or they’re an incredibly handy excuse to go out and party like a maniac. Usually, I am somewhere in the middle of these two feelings. But this one felt different, because this year signified the fact that I’m no longer a teenager. I don’t know about any other fresh new 20-year old’s, but I feel like something’s changed in my perspective. I’m surer of myself somehow. Sure, I don’t have my shit together more than 80% of the time. But I feel like I’m learning enough about who I am as an adult that I’ve got the strength to reduce that number down. There are certainly days where I get into a rut about things, and don’t really want to grow up because it all feels too hard. But then I take a breath, remind myself that I am quite capable, and I can trust that I’m going to try my best to succeed. This is the patient attitude that I have tried to adopt throughout 2018, and I can guarantee that this is going to continue into 2019 – where I will turn 21 😲. Here’s to slowly becoming a proper adult 😋.

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That officially wraps up my list of memories from 2018, and my online 2018. I hope you found reading this list enjoyable in some way, and thanks again for choosing to click and have a scroll 💖.

However you are choosing to see in the New Year, stay safe and I shall be back in 2019. I'm not sure when, but if you want to know you can follow me @miss_memphis98 on either Instagram and/or Twitter.

Thanks again for reading,

Love and lots of pretty yet terrifying fireworks, Emily xx 🎇