Saturday Sincerity - Getting Candid: Manchester and Emotions

Hi Internet,

I need to apologise profusely for the fact that this is uber late. It's Saturday here in Australia right now, but I honestly haven't had a proper chance to write anything decent until now. Please forgive me 💖💖💖

As you'll see from the title of this post, this week it's serious time once again with Getting Candid.

Truthfully, it's been a topsy-turvy week for me with exam study mode cranking up to Level 11 and my emotions kicking into overdrive. I needed to process some things so I thought I would share my random stream of consciousness with y'all as well.

I hope you don't mind, but at the same time I hope you get something out of what I have to say this week.

So here we go....
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Truth be told, this week has been one of the weirdest I have ever experienced emotionally.

My brain and my heart have been in a super deep and reflective place, whilst also trying to wrap my head around exam things. It’s been a lot, and I haven’t felt this weird in a very long time.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced this feeling of odd self/life reflection or if it is just me, but it’s certainly quite a profound place to be.

I do believe in the power of single moments being catalysts for change, and the self-reflection that has occurred within my mind this week has made me realise some important things about the world and life.

The 22nd May and One Love Manchester

If I am being honest with myself, one of the main reasons why I have been feeling existential recently was because of what happened in Manchester on the 22^nd May, and the One Love Manchester benefit concert on the 4^th June.

Whenever I hear about any kind of large scale, ‘terrorist’ attack in the news, it does make my heart ache. Any kind of act when people are losing their lives is heartbreaking, but I have been able to move on without it affecting me too much. The bombing in Manchester was different for me.

It was different because a concert was targeted for this kind of attack. A concert which was dominated by innocent and beautiful young people. Children who had come out to have a once in a lifetime experience – seeing their idol Ariana Grande live on stage. 22 concert goers and parents never came home that night.

Although I am relatively new to the concert scene, I have always felt like they were safe spaces. A potent mixture of love, excitement, hope and pure adulation. But what happened broke this bubble of warm and fuzzy harmlessness.

What happened was way too close to home for me. Although I was nearly 17000km away from Manchester and those people in the arena, it felt like it could have been my friends or girls who I’d passed in the street. As crazy as that seems (and I know it sounds completely crazy), it just felt way too real.

I cried every time I saw another news report where new details were released or when I saw the faces of the innocent people whose lives were taken too soon. I just couldn’t fathom the idea that the bomber would intentionally target a crowd so young, and I don’t know if I ever will.

My heart was hurting in a big way. It was hurting for the families torn apart by the bombing. It was hurting for Ariana, who felt that she was somehow responsible. It was hurting for the world, because things like this are happening way too often nowadays.

When the One Love Manchester benefit concert was announced, I knew that it would be the perfect way to bring the world together in a celebration of love and unity.

Seeing the outpourings of support and comradery on social media was a beautiful thing for me. But having the benefit event with 50 000 people showing up to Old Trafford alongside millions of people watching around the world to stand with Manchester provided excellent closure as well.

Watching on my couch as Ariana joined the likes of Robbie Williams, The Black Eyed Peas, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, Coldplay and Liam Gallagher to celebrate love and unity through music was POWERFUL.

It reminded me that even in the face of immense tragedy and pain, love will ALWAYS shine through and make us stronger. We are powerful as a society when we stand together.

From seeing a police officer playing games with children in the crowd to listening to Ariana being so strong and resilient every time she spoke, it was a poignantly beautiful thing to behold at the beginning of this week.

Feeling All Kinds of Emotions

Manchester has contributed greatly to my emotion this week, but it has not been the only thing playing on my mind.

I’m not going to get into specifics with y’all because the details aren’t what’s important. What IS important is the lessons I have learned.

I’ve been thinking about where my life is at right now. I was seeing certain things online to do with Manchester that were making me reassess the importance of life and doing what you love with the time and opportunities you have.

At the same time, other, less positive things were happening in social media places that I visited constantly. This stuff finally made me see that these spaces were no longer places that added any kind of value to my life.

They used to be fun and exciting. But this week, it was crystal clear they were actually quite toxic and I needed to start walking away in order to maintain my sanity.

I am still trying to process how I feel as I write this because it’s difficult and sad when things that used to make you smile don't anymore.

It’s been something that I have thrown myself into for about a year now, and now I have to find a way to pull myself out. I know that it is going to be difficult, but I’m glad I’m so hyper-aware of it at the moment.

At the end of the day, you have to put your energy into things that fulfill and satisfy you. This place hasn’t been doing that for me for a long time, and it’s time for me to find something new that does.

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So, it’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster this week. I only hope I can put these realisations into practice going forward.

I want to be a better, more positive human who makes the most of the time I have on this Earth. In order to do this, changes and alterations have to be made.

So, take the time to reflect on things that happen to you and other people like you in the world. Remember what you want out of life and what makes you happy. Never be afraid to change course.

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So there you go. I don't really know what that was, but I felt like I had to get it out. Thanks for listening, and if you want to share it with other people then that's cool too 👍

Question of the Day: When was the last time you had a moment of intense self or life reflection? Leave me your answers in the comments and follow me on Instagram (@miss_memphis98) for other weirdness.

Thanks again for reading - y'all are wonderful,

Love and the bigger picture, Emily xx 💓💓💓💓💓